Postcard from Iceland

Hello again-this time our little picnic spot has moved to Iceland temporarily. It has been colder here, and one night I wore a winterjacket. A WINTERjacket! But in the daytime when the sun shines we have been walking around in tanktops.

Top five reasons Iceland is a great place:

5. They have staffed playgrounds for parents, so before the kids reach school age the parents can drop their children off for a couple of hours while they get stuff done. You pay a minimal fee only, but the whole system is designed to help and make it easier for parents with kids, not punish them for having them.

Ok, I am going to stop right here. That is the only reason I need to hear. A place were people value - really value - children and families and the contribution you make to your society by raising good little people. (It sounds as if my logic is that just because someone acknowledges your contribution to society your kids will automatically turn into good people - eummm... I'm just sayin' it's hard as it is to do the parent thing without ANY or very little help, so every little thing is appreciated and needed.)

We had a lovely time here in Iceland with our friends, and we are sad to go. It has been cold though. It's kinda hard to pack for 50 degrees Faherenheit nights (Iceland) when it is still hot a the place of origin (NYC).

It was nice to see you here at the picnic spot again. Next picnic stop is Sweden. I have to wake up in a few hours to go to the airport, but please feel free to stay a while and read on. Come back again and don't forget to bring your picnic basket, a few ladybugs and the sound of a happy, bubbling brook.

rioting rioteers - who were the baddies?

Hello again dear picnic'ers~~today we're sitting in a cooler spot.

It feels like autumn is nearing, as the sky is overcast and grey, and the clouds are rainheavy and droopy. Picnic season is coming to a close. But don't worry, dears. HulaMama will host indoors picnics. Just bring paintbrushes and birdsongs on tape, and we will have our meadow, some fluffy clouds and a picnic under a rainbow in no time.

It's been a little while since our last gathering on this lovely spot. My daughter's birthday and other such things happened. But I actually did not get to host my annual birthday picnic in the park this year. It is a LOT of work and I just couldn't muster up the energy. On the day when we'd normally have it, it rained bucketloads here in New York. BUCKETLOADS!! Flooded basements and gutters and streets all over the place. It was all a wet mess out there, so I felt kinda lucky that I didn't set a picnic plan this year, as previous years have been just lovely and sunny and perfect for picnics. 

Even though it's been a couple of weeks since the riots in London and other cities in England, and I didn't write anything then about it, I have to wrote something now. I have read various articles and pieces of writings on the riots both in UK publications and in US ones. I couldn't stop reading about it when the riots were going on as the UK has a certain place to my heart. It has been a while since I lived there, but I lived in London for three years, three formative years of my life. I attended London Contemporary Dance School which is situated near King's Cross (of Harry Potter fame - train platform 9 3/4 for those of you who have read and/or watched the series). 

Just as Harry Potter is consistently fighting strong, adult forces that are designed to not only weaken him, but to destroy him entirely, so are the governmental powers today designed not to help and build up youth, but to weaken and destroy character, morale, hope and enthusiasm for life and living in the young'ems of today. 

In our society, imbued by values and ideals that is a perfect fit in some strata and a poor fit for others, it indiscriminately and across the board forces people to live in certain conditions within certain frameworks whether or not this is suitable for all. Yes, you say, but without societal frameworks total chaos will surely ensue. You can say that because you have a washer and dryer. You have a job, or at least job prospects. You have an education. You conform. You fit in to the framework. Or at least you try hard to fit in because you have learned that it is the right way to live. Not only is it the right way, but it is the only way to live according to those who are in power. And you believe it. 

Who are those in power that decide such things for you? Well, let's break this down. Western societies are still striving for fulfillment of Euro-centric patriarchal values. So those in charge would be those who benefit from seeing such values fulfilled. 

Ok, so we got that out of the way. We understand that politicians, ie. those in power as mentioned above, are elected by some of us - by those of us that benefit from having such people elected so they can do our bidding. Those of us who have no say are those who do not vote the politicians in because we know from a longstanding tradition that the aforementioned politicians in power will NEVER, or rarely, speak up for some of us. 

During the riots, condemnation and disgust at such behavior by the depraved city youth was the popular stance in mainstream media. Yes, I too became angry and misty eyed when I saw shop owners crying at having lost everything they had ever worked for, and I felt so bad for the home owners who lost their homes and everything in it (including washers and dryers) due to senseless burning. 

I wasn't angry at the youth though. Not a chance! We know kids emulate grown ups' behavior. 

For example, this is what some grown ups have been up to lately: a small group of "big guys", sharks and financial scoundrels, singlehandedly created the Global Financial Crisis in 2008. The persons involved in letting the the major financial institutions go down the toilet did not get a single hour in jail. An official reprimand maybe, but NO ONE paid for the consequences of their actions. We all know the consequences of their actions resulted in a worldwide financial disaster. That coupled with the Housing Bubble that burst in 2007 (also caused by large financial companies' greed and unsound lending practices) made loads of lower and middle class people already struggling to get by lose retirement savings, homes, lives, jobs, hope, everything.... NO ONE went to jail for these crimes that pretty much rocked our financial climate on global scale!!! 
After the US government decided to bailout large corporations on the verge of bankruptcy with the little guys' hard-earned tax money, we saw images of CEOs of these same large corporations on corporate conferences in luxury resorts, flying around in private jets, and giving themselves a high five by pocketing millions in year-end bonuses. You all know this already, so no need to regurgitate (but I just did, for the sake of it!).

Darcus Howe said it the best when he exclaimed in a BBC TV interview that the riots were "an insurrection of the masses". The numbers gave voice to the little people, those with normally no say. In however misguided ways they "spoke up" because they had been taught to think of themselves as not worthy, not equal. How many of you think it will happen here in the States soon?

One of the wackjobs that blame the young people, Ann Coulter, is a right-wing conservative figure here in the States. She is blaming the riots on liberal politics. I was chuckling at how she describes the situation.


Well, that was surprising. I didn't think I was going to get political on my little patch of sun and flowers, but it happened... Ooops. ;-)
I will write again really soon from my next destination spot. I am heading to Sweden via Iceland for a little dose of healthy socialism. Hehe... 
A bientot (which is neither Icelandic nor Swedish, but French for "have a glass of wine". Actually, I'm lying...).

motherless mothers

Hi - and welcome back to this lovely picnic spot. I'd like to share a nice chilled Italian wine called Cappuccina (not cappuccino, the coffee drink!). Very refreshing on a hot summer's day.

You guys inspire me to write. Your comments inspire me and give me ideas. You bring up topics that I might have thought of writing about but weren't brave enough to tackle yet. I thank you for your courage and your enthusiasm. My friend messaged me and told me her mother passed away recently, and then added: "you are a motherless mother too?" and I thought, "By golly, that expression cuts straight to the core".

When my first daughter was born and I consequently became a mother for the first time, my own mother had been gone to the other side for many years. I missed her before, but nothing prepared me for just how much I would miss her, and the shock and the pain of becoming a mother while not having my own mother around, the support, the knowledge of how I was as a baby, the love and the care that only a mother can give her own daughter. It was a shock to become a motherless mother.

It is a momentous event, becoming a mother, and sharing that and understanding what it means to be a mother for the first time in my life with my own mother would have been so sweet. Shortly after I became a mother I serendipitously read a New York Times article about the importance of the relationship of a woman's mother when she herself is giving birth. How women giving birth are more likely to feel "the baby blues" when their own mother is not around. And how it is not the same to have the father's mother - the mother-in-law - present after the birth. Ah, I wish I could find that article again... But instead I found this on how new mothers need to feel validated, need to feel like their new babies and themselves matter in this world, that someone CARES.

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/12/04/health/cases-so-lucky-to-give-birth-in-england.html?scp=203&sq=Mothers+when+woman+gives+birth&st=nyt

It really does take a village to raise a child....

I had my two children in New York City, and didn't have that village to help. I had maybe a few misguided village members: a pediatrician that had very little understanding... aaand... let me thiiink... nope, that was it. So in total that was one clueless village member. 

My mother is gone, and there isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about her, remembering something about her, in one way or another. She died in 1989 so it's been a while. Sure, she was craaaazy (!!!) but she managed somehow to teach me, show me, love and compassion and understanding, the most important gifts you can give a child. (Many "normal", non-crazy mothers aren't successful in doing that!) Through it all she managed to raise me by herself in a foreign country with no family around - motherless mother as she was. My grandmother (my mother's mother) also gave birth to most of her children in a foreign country with no "village" around to help: being Korean and poor in Japan during the time of WW II. 

I hope to break this cycle. I hope to be there for my two daughters when/if they have babies. I want to be there. I need to be there. I will be there and help them, guide them, or just sit quietly with them. I will answer their questions when they ask me, I will show them photos of them as babies, I will stoke their foreheads and tell them they did a great job, I will never stop telling them how incredible they are. I will show them they are not alone. They will not be motherless mothers!

Well, how nice of you to stop here on your way to where ever you were going. It was nice to see you again. If this was your first time over at my picnic spot, come back again soon. There is always space on my blanket if you forgot yours.

Are you an axe murderer or just a dude with a really bad photo?

Hello there - come on over and make yourself comfortable on this lovely spot. There is a nice and refreshing breeze today. Can you feel it?

If you happen to be an axe murderer, please don't be offended but my friends will frisk you and confiscate any and all axes they might find in your possession. And you might have to sit on your own blanket... I don't mean to discriminate, but I want to live for my children... you understand.

A few days ago my agent sends me a casting notice for a "major dating site" which is seeking single women and men in my general age range, who are willing to go out on a date courtesy of the dating site. They will do your hair and make-up and wardrobe, and then send you on your way with a film crew. The date will be filmed to be used as promotion for the site. And they'll pay you for the job of course. 

So, let me recap: free date with hunk, everything paid, hair/make-up/wardrobe done by professionals, payment for gig. Sounds pretty sweet!

I wrote my agent back saying "Drats, I am single, but unfortunately I can't go to the audition. Boohooo!" But later on that evening I became curiouser and curiouser about this wonderland of dating sites. I have never registered for any dating sites before, and never thought I would. I have friends that have used those kinds of sites and have been successful as well. And I am genuinely glad for their sake and I respect them, but I never thought I would try those sites. But alas, Curiosity got the better of me (I also hear Curiosity killed the Cat!) - and jetlag too - and around 2am that night I registered with not one, not two, but three "free" dating sites. (Free meaning you can register and start a profile, but you can't view anything or anyone until you pay their fee.) Nervously I uploaded a photo of myself and entered the requested information and clicked 'agree'.

Then I waited.... 

The next morning I was finally "matched" up with several guys, and viewed profile after profile. I was absolutely aghast by who I was matched up with (on the one site that allows you to view your match's profile photo without paying).

How many times have we been told to not judge a book by its covers...? 

Well, with that said I would like to give you a tip: please upload a photo were you do not look like an axe murderer. Initially I pretty much have nothing else to go on but your photo. When I see a photo of you looking like an axe murderer there's not much else I can do or will do except RUN! Sweet Mother of Mercy, call me shallow, but your photo is important. It might help you if you smile, or at least look pleasantly content, agreeable or even friendly. Seriously! Did you think: "Here, let me choose THIS photo where I look like an axe murderer. That'll get me results!"? I'm not trying to be judgemental or anything, but actually the nature of those sites leave you with no other option. ESPECIALLY IF YOUR PHOTO LOOKS LIKE AN AXE MURDERER'S!!


I deleted my profile so fast!! Then I deleted my other two profiles on the other sites as well.

My foray into dating sites has been brief but my curiosity quenched for life. I didn't want to be the Cat (that Curiosity got the better of) in this one. Meow.

Thanks for popping by. I still love you all, but might love you just a little less if you are an axe murderer... Oh, and on your way out, please don't expect us to give you the axe back, OK!